Love

Tips For Online Dating

Since it’s that time of year when finding a Valentine seems to be on many people’s minds, I figured I’d share some of my online dating tips. I can’t guarantee that they’ll land you a date right away, but they might give you a chance to go on a date with a new special someone!

So, without further ado, here are my tips for using dating apps!

  1. Don’t be afraid to shop around for different dating sites or apps. I had to try a few different apps to find the ones I was comfortable using, and with the type of people I would consider dating. You should take into account if the app is more for hookups or relationships, if it can accommodate who you want to date, and how you communicate with people on the app when choosing one.
  2. Don’t ever neglect your safety. While this is more for the women out there, in general, you shouldn’t agree to meet with someone you don’t trust. I also recommend that you make first dates in a public place where you can get help easily, and tell a family member or friend about the date. Unfortunately, there are people catfishing out there and people convicted of sexual assaults on dating apps, so be careful.
  3. Don’t be stingy in who you think might work out. Some of the most interesting conversations I’ve had were with people that I tentatively swiped right on. Plus, you don’t necessarily want a partner to be an exact carbon copy of yourself, so go ahead and explore your options!
  4. Make the plunge and send them a message. It can sometimes be the scariest thing to do, but even a quick sentence about how you share a favorite band can grab someone’s attention. It may be a good idea to just send a “hi” instead of a really bad pickup line too for that first message.
  5. Don’t be afraid to say no. There are some characters out there, and if they are interacting with you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you can leave the conversation or say no to anything they ask of you. Keeping toxic people around is going to cause you trouble, so sometimes you just have to hit the block button.
  6. Guys, this one’s for you. Please, for the love of all things holy, do not send explicit pictures or messages unless you have asked if it is alright first. I know very few women who want to have a dick pic pop up on their screen randomly. There’s nothing wrong with exchanging pictures or sexts if you want to, just do it with consent. And no, getting my Snapchat does not count as consent.
  7. At least write a little bit about yourself on your profile. There’s nothing more frustrating than opening up a profile to see every section saying “hey” or “message me.” Giving people some information can serve a jumping off point for conversation, which will make it easier for people to message you.
  8. Embrace patience in your use of dating apps. It’s going to take time to build up some matches or get a conversation going. Don’t give up hope if you don’t have a hundred messages in your inbox after day one on a dating site. After all, people lead busy lives, and they say the one is always worth the wait.
  9. Don’t let dating apps take over your life. While having a partner is fantastic, obsessing over dating apps to find one can be draining. Besides, sometimes you need to be single for a while to figure out what you need and want from your love life. It’s perfectly fine to delete dating apps from your phone if you need a break.
  10. Be unapologetic about who you are, because they’re going to find out eventually. While it is easier to lie in online dating, if you end up dating someone in real life that you met online, they will find out what you’re trying to hide. It’s better to be honest, since someone who is truly worth dating will accept you as you are.
  11. Last, have some fun. The whole point of dating apps is to get to know different people, so get out there and do it. Go to the movies, to that cool new restaurant, or try paintball, whatever your heart desires. Except, with a dating app, you can have some company to explore all the intriguing things this world has to offer.

What are some of your best tips for online dating? Leave a comment or any questions about online dating you have below!

Hope you all have a lovely Valentine’s Day!

-Mel.

Goodbye to the Sunshine Dog

Jypsie, Jyps, Tipsy, Sexy, Houdini, Dummkopf, you were known by many names.

You always knew where the best sun patch was inside and outside. You’d always lie on the picnic table, napping for hours under the sun and keeping an eye on the kitchen. I’m sure at some point you must have been raised by a cat, since you were a very strange dog.

Of course, you also got into a fair amount of trouble. From digging holes to escaping the yard so many times, we had to keep it shut with a belt. It’s amazing that you managed to teach our old dog Jerzy your tricks as well, you two were a ridiculous duo when you combined your talents.

You were a good hunter too, fitting for a family of hunters. You were oh so proud to come into the house one day smacking on the feathers of the bird you’d just caught. We’ll miss our bird and mouse hunter.

You also never understood the concept of personal space. It didn’t matter if the three of us girls were on the couch, you’d find some room to squish your fluffy butt into. Sharing the back seat with you on car rides meant at some point, you would have a dog on your lap that demanded attention.

You got me through some rough times, either by spending a few hours cuddled close or by sharing your infectious good energy. Nobody could say no to your goofy grin greeting everyone that stepped through the door.

Saying goodbye to you was really hard, but I’m glad that you waited until I was home, so I was there to sneak in a few last pets.

I hope you are at peace, running around with Jerzy and getting spoiled to no end in heaven.

Love you always,

Mel.

10 Things You Learn When You’re Single

  1. You can order whatever food you want, whenever, and nobody will judge you.
  2. You can go on a lot of first dates.
  3. You have the freedom to do whatever you want, including travelling the world over.
  4. You are never alone, there’s always someone who has your back.
  5. You may not be a perfect person, but you have the power to become a better person.
  6. You’re stronger and more independent than you thought.
  7. Treating yourself is just as important as any other priority.
  8. What you actually love doing.
  9. You are capable of meeting new people or being in new situations and not making a fool of yourself.
  10. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy.

-Mel.

Threads

It’s funny, how we humans cling to the smallest thread of hope when it can hurt us so much.

But he was a seemingly never ending thread clinging to me, and for every inch I found there seemed to be three more. Now, as I’m sitting here with pain in my heart, and another set of a million questions in my head, maybe, I think, it’s time to let go.

I still remember the moments I was in love with him. They’re fleeting now, sometimes my mind replays them late at night, as if warning me of the mistake I’ve made. How should it know it was a mistake, when these last few months giving back into his love has felt like a dream?

How should I know?

How should I know I don’t love him anymore?

How should I know why a part of me still loves him and aches to be with him and kiss him and just love HIM?

The truth is, I don’t know.

But I know what I need to do right now, and that it is the right decision at this point in my life.

Tomorrow, I will write him a long letter. A letter that I really wish he could avoid being hurt from, but one that he needs to read. Because if not, he won’t ever understand why we need to go our separate ways.

It’s sort of ironic, in a way, that it’s taken me this long to realize that I need to write that letter. As if our love has still kept me blind to why I left in the first place.

But I’m just reflecting to put off what I have to do. I have been for months. And maybe all those crucial moments of time in the last few months I could have done it. But it just never felt right, I just never felt ready to let go.

So tomorrow, I’ll get rid of that thread, dangling loosely from the whole of the tapestry of my life. After all, it’s had it’s shining moment, but now it’s time to cut it from the whole.

God, this will hurt.

I’m holding the scissors open around that stupid thread.

I’m closing my eyes. I can’t watch.

Snip.

Done. The End. No more.

I love you.

Day 11-A Letter To Someone

Dear Future Me,

How are you doing?

I’m sure you have everything under control, as always, your goals pointing you toward the stars and beyond. I’m certain that every step you’re taking in one step in the right direction, for better or for worse, and you will be astonished one day at how far you’ve come.

But it doesn’t always feel that way, does it? Somedays you beat up yourself endlessly on the little decisions you’ve made during the day, and it’s really hard to see those stars you’re striving for. So, this is why I’m writing to you, because you need to hear what I’m about to say.

You are an amazing human being. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Let me tell you why.

You are amazing because you get out of bed every single day and try your hardest to get through everything that life throws at you. Somedays you leap out of bed and knock everybody’s socks off with what you accomplish. Other days, you roll over and fall back asleep before getting up and just managing to scrape by. What matters, though, is that you got up in the first place.

So, next time the going gets a bit rough, remember that today you tried. Yesterday or last week you might have gone on a date and gotten really high grades, but today you got through a day of work. Both of those are worthy of celebration, and you should be proud of yourself.

I charge you with going out into the world every day and simply trying your best. You are a talented, smart, caring, and beautiful person inside out; and the world deserves to see you out there. And if you don’t feel that way right now, take care of yourself, and pick yourself up to face the world again.

I believe in you, and that you will fulfill all your goals and then some.

Love you always,

Mel.

Day 9-The Person You Like

Well, another 30 Day Challenge, and the same answer for the same question!

I still like the same person as in March, and I still haven’t told them about it. I won’t reveal their name or dead giveaway details since they do know I have a blog now…

The guy I like is hard to describe, to be honest. He is caring and understanding, always there for support on good and bad days. He is very determined and dedicated to his goals in life, and he has a plan for where he’s going. He can be stubborn, but it never ends our conversations. He has a great sense of humour and gets my sarcasm. He shares a lot of the same interests and world views, but we’re different enough that I think we can learn from each other.

I should really tell him I like him, but I don’t want to risk the friendship between us unless I’m 100% sure that it’ll end up well. For now, I’m happy being friends with him.

-Mel.

Unanswered Messages

It’s been six months since I met you, since I started having feelings for you. And here I am, staring at all our mutual friends wishing you happy birthday while I can’t bring myself to write anything to you but this: Why?

Everything started out great. We talked late into the night, flirted on the bus, and were careful not to step on each other’s feelings. You were there to comfort me when I went through my first break-up. I thought I could trust you, that you were a good person. Boy, I was wrong.

Things progressed further, I was single and could pursue you. Admittedly, it eased my recently broken heart. But I should have listened to a small collection of voices that told me you were trouble. Instead, I followed you like a lost puppy, and you hurt me more than my first broken heart of that summer.

It’s a funny thing, what clarity distance can bring. Suddenly, your excuses, long silences, and disinterest made so much more sense. I heard news passed on from friends still around you, and they were like a slap in the face. When I moved away, it wasn’t just enough to forget me, but you had to forget to tell me you were going to visit the city that your new girl lived in. Convenient, isn’t it? That way, if that relationship failed, you could come sulking back to me.

But you won’t ever have the chance. I weaned myself off your influence month by month, deleting you from my online life site by site. As far as anybody else knows, we’re strangers, who have no history together, who never went to a movie together, who never shared dreams. And it will stay that way, since if you ever have the audacity to message me again with a “sorry” message, I will give you a million reasons to crawl back to Australia.

Goodbye, love, you can keep your empty promises and your facade of a nice guy. Give them to your next poor victim, and I hope she hurts you as well as you hurt me.

Besides, you never deserved me anyways. I’m pretty sure I can do a better job of loving me than you ever could. The only thing you’ll ever see from me now is the little checkmark on read messages, without any answer.

Au revoir.

 

Day 23-A letter to someone, anyone

Dear not-so-little sister,

How are you today? I know we don’t talk as much since I moved away to university, and I miss having you by my side getting into trouble.

I just wanted to say I’m proud of you, especially these last few years. Unlike the times that I swore you were going to get into serious trouble as a kid, now I see a very responsible young adult. You’ve impressed me by winning at your recent archery competitions, and telling me that you want to become a psychologist. Not to mention, you’re learning to drive now, which is freaking scary, but I know now that you’re capable of doing well at it.

I also wanted to give you one piece of sisterly advice, well actually a few. You always say you’re the single one, but I’m sure one day you’ll find someone who is worth dating you. But even so, what is important in life isn’t how many guys you’ve dated or that you’re in a relationship, but what you accomplish. So, go out there in the world and kick butt, like you’ve already been doing, and I’m sure you’ll stumble upon someone who can handle the strong but slightly crazy women from this family.

Lastly, I wanted to say that I love you with all my heart, and I’m glad to be your sister, no matter what. Even though I’m missing your birthday, you better believe I wish I could be there. Instead, I’ll spam text you aggressively and give you a present that will make up for it (hopefully). 

Love,

Your older sister Melissa

P.S. Stop stealing the dog, she likes my bed too…

 

Day 21-Turn on and offs

I’ve gathered my top three turn ons and offs dating wise mostly, but they’re applicable to friendships as well!

Turn-ons:

  1. Sense of humour: If you can make me laugh, you’re doing well. Also, if you understand my sarcastic sense of humour, you are automatically my best friend.
  2. Intelligence: By intelligence, I don’t mean you have to love everything I like to learn about. I find it really nice to be able to hold an intelligent conversation, and if you can bring something for me to learn about, kudos to you.
  3. Loyalty: As weird as this may sound, but if you aren’t loyal to me, or to those in your life, I probably won’t date you. Loyalty for me is one of the things I give wholeheartedly to a relationship, and if the other person can’t, game over.

Turn-offs:

  1. Not answering messages: I understand life is busy, that everyone has things they have to do. But if you can’t take five minutes out of your day to send a quick response, why should I take five minutes of my time to talk to you?
  2. Not being kind: What I mean by this is a level of kindness for everyone. You may not like everyone, and I get that, but yelling at waitresses and those in retail won’t get you brownie points. For me, this is also tied to having a level of respect for everyone.
  3. Treating me like an object: Ladies, and men to some degree, you know what I mean. I’m sorry guys, but if you treat me like an object that will fulfill all your desires, better start running, because I don’t tolerate that at all. I am a PERSON, and deserve to be treated as such.

There you go, short but sweet list of my turn-ons and turn-offs. What are yours? Comment them below!

-Mel.