How To Survive A Long-Distance Relationship

As someone who was previously in a long-term long-distance relationship, I figured I should pass on some of my wisdom about them to people who might be facing one now.

So, here are my tips for surviving a long-distance relationship!

  1. Trust each other. Even if you wholeheartedly trust your partner, long-distance relationships can create moments of doubt. In successful long-distance relationships, you have to have a level of trust and loyalty that goes above all else that is thrown at you.
  2. Take the extra time you have and devote it to yourself. Go do the things that you’ve always wanted to do, develop your hobbies, or spend time with your friends. Just because your significant other isn’t there, doesn’t mean that you have to stop living a fun life. Plus, keeping busy will keep you from obsessively missing them.
  3. Communicate. Make time so that you can both sit down to a weekly Skype or Facetime call to really catch up with one another and hear each other’s voice. Texting and apps like WhatsApp are great for keeping in touch while you’re apart from each other as well.
  4. Have an end date in mind to being apart, so you know where you’re headed long term with your significant other. Or, if you can’t plan a definitive end date, plan a date for when you’ll see or visit each other next.
  5. Send them a gift from time to time. It could be for a special event or just because, but it’s always a sweet thing to do to let them know you’re thinking of them.
  6. Work through the rough patches together. Long-distance relationships aren’t problem free, so having open lines of communication to solve and discuss problems is vital to success in the long run. However, remember that if you’re arguing with your significant other, that sometimes you’ll need to give them space.
  7. Remember that your significant other has a life too. You can’t expect them to be there 24/7, but they should at least be there for when it matters. Especially if they’re working or in university, cut your partner some slack if they’re really busy.
  8. Don’t give into jealousy. It may be easy to envy the relationships of your friends or family, but it won’t improve your long-distance relationship. Remember, you can’t judge the success of your long-distance relationship by the standards of relationships around you.
  9. Don’t cheat on your partner. It is incredibly unfair to the other person, especially if they trust you completely. However, if you do, please let your partner know as soon as possible, since then you can decide whether to carry on the relationship or not.
  10. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page. If you sit down as a couple now and then to discuss and reassess where your relationship is going, it will help you grow together and overcome any problems. As well, if you decide that both of you have changed and want to go down separate paths, it might save you some heartache.
  11. Last but not least, enjoy your time in your long-distance relationship. While they are a challenge and are hard to maintain, there may be a time when you look back on the relationship fondly. And who knows, maybe your long-distance will end because you’ve moved in with the love of your life.

I hope that my advice helped those of you that are in long-distance relationships or about to be in one. If you have any long-distance relationship tips as well, feel free to drop them in the comments!

-Mel.

 

Day 23: Your Definition of Love

Love, to me at least, is a concept that doesn’t have one particular definition, since there are many types of love and many qualities of (good) love.

However, if I had to, I would define love as an emotional and/or physical bond between individuals. This includes bonds between family, friends, and significant others.

I believe that love has certain qualities that distinguishes it from other things. Love brings people together in the best and worst of times in life, but it also has the power to cause great harm. If you can truly expect someone to in your life no matter what, then that embodies an element of love.

Love also involves elements of respect and trust for me. Those who love you should respect your opinions and what you do with your life, but in a way that is constructive to make you a better person. They should also be loyal, and not willing to disclose all your secrets or cheat on you on a whim.

Anyways, I could write an essay about what love is and is not, so I’ll stop here before I start philosophizing all day. If you’d like to see more of my thoughts about love, you can always check out my writing posts under the love category.

Do you agree with my definition of love? Leave me a comment below with your thoughts!

-Mel.

 

Day 3: Five ways to win your heart

Well, if any of you are wondering how to sweep me off my feet, then here you go! These are five of the things that can guarantee you’ll at least win a bit of my heart…

  1. Be kind. Kindness is rare these days, so showing that you care about others goes a long way. This especially applies when on a date, since I will judge people by how well they treat waitresses, cashiers, etc.
  2. Be honest and open. I really appreciate when people are forthcoming with what they want out of a potential relationship, especially when it comes to the game called online dating. In general, being open and honest about your opinions and your expectations will help in the long run as well.
  3. Respect that I am a person. Just like everyone else, I have goals, opinions, and preferences. There’s nothing more annoying than having someone diss everything you like or questioning whether every single decision you make is acceptable. I may make mistakes, but respecting that I am an individual that is fully capable of saying no or deciding my career path is more than appreciated.
  4. Taking care of the small things. I’m the type of person who already has a life plan and long-term goals that I’m working towards. So, I appreciate when others take care of some of the smaller things, like doing the dishes or grabbing that one thing I forgot doing groceries. It’s also super nice to have someone check in with a simple “how are you?” every now and then.
  5. Don’t go over the top. While those grand romantic gestures are great for the movies, they don’t work so well in real life. Honestly, I’d rather spend a few hours chatting in a coffee shop or going for a wander than getting my own horse-drawn carriage. After all, the simple things in life are really what matter.

Does my list match some of the ways people can win your hearts? Drop me a comment below!

-Mel.

Tips For Online Dating

Since it’s that time of year when finding a Valentine seems to be on many people’s minds, I figured I’d share some of my online dating tips. I can’t guarantee that they’ll land you a date right away, but they might give you a chance to go on a date with a new special someone!

So, without further ado, here are my tips for using dating apps!

  1. Don’t be afraid to shop around for different dating sites or apps. I had to try a few different apps to find the ones I was comfortable using, and with the type of people I would consider dating. You should take into account if the app is more for hookups or relationships, if it can accommodate who you want to date, and how you communicate with people on the app when choosing one.
  2. Don’t ever neglect your safety. While this is more for the women out there, in general, you shouldn’t agree to meet with someone you don’t trust. I also recommend that you make first dates in a public place where you can get help easily, and tell a family member or friend about the date. Unfortunately, there are people catfishing out there and people convicted of sexual assaults on dating apps, so be careful.
  3. Don’t be stingy in who you think might work out. Some of the most interesting conversations I’ve had were with people that I tentatively swiped right on. Plus, you don’t necessarily want a partner to be an exact carbon copy of yourself, so go ahead and explore your options!
  4. Make the plunge and send them a message. It can sometimes be the scariest thing to do, but even a quick sentence about how you share a favorite band can grab someone’s attention. It may be a good idea to just send a “hi” instead of a really bad pickup line too for that first message.
  5. Don’t be afraid to say no. There are some characters out there, and if they are interacting with you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you can leave the conversation or say no to anything they ask of you. Keeping toxic people around is going to cause you trouble, so sometimes you just have to hit the block button.
  6. Guys, this one’s for you. Please, for the love of all things holy, do not send explicit pictures or messages unless you have asked if it is alright first. I know very few women who want to have a dick pic pop up on their screen randomly. There’s nothing wrong with exchanging pictures or sexts if you want to, just do it with consent. And no, getting my Snapchat does not count as consent.
  7. At least write a little bit about yourself on your profile. There’s nothing more frustrating than opening up a profile to see every section saying “hey” or “message me.” Giving people some information can serve a jumping off point for conversation, which will make it easier for people to message you.
  8. Embrace patience in your use of dating apps. It’s going to take time to build up some matches or get a conversation going. Don’t give up hope if you don’t have a hundred messages in your inbox after day one on a dating site. After all, people lead busy lives, and they say the one is always worth the wait.
  9. Don’t let dating apps take over your life. While having a partner is fantastic, obsessing over dating apps to find one can be draining. Besides, sometimes you need to be single for a while to figure out what you need and want from your love life. It’s perfectly fine to delete dating apps from your phone if you need a break.
  10. Be unapologetic about who you are, because they’re going to find out eventually. While it is easier to lie in online dating, if you end up dating someone in real life that you met online, they will find out what you’re trying to hide. It’s better to be honest, since someone who is truly worth dating will accept you as you are.
  11. Last, have some fun. The whole point of dating apps is to get to know different people, so get out there and do it. Go to the movies, to that cool new restaurant, or try paintball, whatever your heart desires. Except, with a dating app, you can have some company to explore all the intriguing things this world has to offer.

What are some of your best tips for online dating? Leave a comment or any questions about online dating you have below!

Hope you all have a lovely Valentine’s Day!

-Mel.

Goodbye to the Sunshine Dog

Jypsie, Jyps, Tipsy, Sexy, Houdini, Dummkopf, you were known by many names.

You always knew where the best sun patch was inside and outside. You’d always lie on the picnic table, napping for hours under the sun and keeping an eye on the kitchen. I’m sure at some point you must have been raised by a cat, since you were a very strange dog.

Of course, you also got into a fair amount of trouble. From digging holes to escaping the yard so many times, we had to keep it shut with a belt. It’s amazing that you managed to teach our old dog Jerzy your tricks as well, you two were a ridiculous duo when you combined your talents.

You were a good hunter too, fitting for a family of hunters. You were oh so proud to come into the house one day smacking on the feathers of the bird you’d just caught. We’ll miss our bird and mouse hunter.

You also never understood the concept of personal space. It didn’t matter if the three of us girls were on the couch, you’d find some room to squish your fluffy butt into. Sharing the back seat with you on car rides meant at some point, you would have a dog on your lap that demanded attention.

You got me through some rough times, either by spending a few hours cuddled close or by sharing your infectious good energy. Nobody could say no to your goofy grin greeting everyone that stepped through the door.

Saying goodbye to you was really hard, but I’m glad that you waited until I was home, so I was there to sneak in a few last pets.

I hope you are at peace, running around with Jerzy and getting spoiled to no end in heaven.

Love you always,

Mel.

10 Things You Learn When You’re Single

  1. You can order whatever food you want, whenever, and nobody will judge you.
  2. You can go on a lot of first dates.
  3. You have the freedom to do whatever you want, including travelling the world over.
  4. You are never alone, there’s always someone who has your back.
  5. You may not be a perfect person, but you have the power to become a better person.
  6. You’re stronger and more independent than you thought.
  7. Treating yourself is just as important as any other priority.
  8. What you actually love doing.
  9. You are capable of meeting new people or being in new situations and not making a fool of yourself.
  10. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy.

-Mel.

Day 11-A Letter To Someone

Dear Future Me,

How are you doing?

I’m sure you have everything under control, as always, your goals pointing you toward the stars and beyond. I’m certain that every step you’re taking in one step in the right direction, for better or for worse, and you will be astonished one day at how far you’ve come.

But it doesn’t always feel that way, does it? Somedays you beat up yourself endlessly on the little decisions you’ve made during the day, and it’s really hard to see those stars you’re striving for. So, this is why I’m writing to you, because you need to hear what I’m about to say.

You are an amazing human being. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Let me tell you why.

You are amazing because you get out of bed every single day and try your hardest to get through everything that life throws at you. Somedays you leap out of bed and knock everybody’s socks off with what you accomplish. Other days, you roll over and fall back asleep before getting up and just managing to scrape by. What matters, though, is that you got up in the first place.

So, next time the going gets a bit rough, remember that today you tried. Yesterday or last week you might have gone on a date and gotten really high grades, but today you got through a day of work. Both of those are worthy of celebration, and you should be proud of yourself.

I charge you with going out into the world every day and simply trying your best. You are a talented, smart, caring, and beautiful person inside out; and the world deserves to see you out there. And if you don’t feel that way right now, take care of yourself, and pick yourself up to face the world again.

I believe in you, and that you will fulfill all your goals and then some.

Love you always,

Mel.

Day 9-The Person You Like

Well, another 30 Day Challenge, and the same answer for the same question!

I still like the same person as in March, and I still haven’t told them about it. I won’t reveal their name or dead giveaway details since they do know I have a blog now…

The guy I like is hard to describe, to be honest. He is caring and understanding, always there for support on good and bad days. He is very determined and dedicated to his goals in life, and he has a plan for where he’s going. He can be stubborn, but it never ends our conversations. He has a great sense of humour and gets my sarcasm. He shares a lot of the same interests and world views, but we’re different enough that I think we can learn from each other.

I should really tell him I like him, but I don’t want to risk the friendship between us unless I’m 100% sure that it’ll end up well. For now, I’m happy being friends with him.

-Mel.

Day 23-A letter to someone, anyone

Dear not-so-little sister,

How are you today? I know we don’t talk as much since I moved away to university, and I miss having you by my side getting into trouble.

I just wanted to say I’m proud of you, especially these last few years. Unlike the times that I swore you were going to get into serious trouble as a kid, now I see a very responsible young adult. You’ve impressed me by winning at your recent archery competitions, and telling me that you want to become a psychologist. Not to mention, you’re learning to drive now, which is freaking scary, but I know now that you’re capable of doing well at it.

I also wanted to give you one piece of sisterly advice, well actually a few. You always say you’re the single one, but I’m sure one day you’ll find someone who is worth dating you. But even so, what is important in life isn’t how many guys you’ve dated or that you’re in a relationship, but what you accomplish. So, go out there in the world and kick butt, like you’ve already been doing, and I’m sure you’ll stumble upon someone who can handle the strong but slightly crazy women from this family.

Lastly, I wanted to say that I love you with all my heart, and I’m glad to be your sister, no matter what. Even though I’m missing your birthday, you better believe I wish I could be there. Instead, I’ll spam text you aggressively and give you a present that will make up for it (hopefully). 

Love,

Your older sister Melissa

P.S. Stop stealing the dog, she likes my bed too…

 

Day 21-Turn on and offs

I’ve gathered my top three turn ons and offs dating wise mostly, but they’re applicable to friendships as well!

Turn-ons:

  1. Sense of humour: If you can make me laugh, you’re doing well. Also, if you understand my sarcastic sense of humour, you are automatically my best friend.
  2. Intelligence: By intelligence, I don’t mean you have to love everything I like to learn about. I find it really nice to be able to hold an intelligent conversation, and if you can bring something for me to learn about, kudos to you.
  3. Loyalty: As weird as this may sound, but if you aren’t loyal to me, or to those in your life, I probably won’t date you. Loyalty for me is one of the things I give wholeheartedly to a relationship, and if the other person can’t, game over.

Turn-offs:

  1. Not answering messages: I understand life is busy, that everyone has things they have to do. But if you can’t take five minutes out of your day to send a quick response, why should I take five minutes of my time to talk to you?
  2. Not being kind: What I mean by this is a level of kindness for everyone. You may not like everyone, and I get that, but yelling at waitresses and those in retail won’t get you brownie points. For me, this is also tied to having a level of respect for everyone.
  3. Treating me like an object: Ladies, and men to some degree, you know what I mean. I’m sorry guys, but if you treat me like an object that will fulfill all your desires, better start running, because I don’t tolerate that at all. I am a PERSON, and deserve to be treated as such.

There you go, short but sweet list of my turn-ons and turn-offs. What are yours? Comment them below!

-Mel.